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Boys in the Band (transcript)
Script * episode begins with [[Timmy Turner|Timmy] in his bed. He is snoring. An alarm on his clock turns on.] * [[Chet Ubetcha|'Chet Ubetcha']]' (on the radio): '''Gooood morning, Dimmsdale! Do you know why it's good? * '''Timmy: 'his eyes. ''Because today's my birthday! * ''room is decorated for his birthday. Balloons are hung everywhere around his room. * Timmy: 'Right? * '''Chet Ubetcha (on the radio): '''Nope! Because tonight's the night of the big Chip Skylark concert, and here's his new hit song... My Shiny Teeth and Me! * ''Shiny Teeth and Me begins playing on the radio. * [[Wanda|'''Wanda]]' (off-screen): 'laughs * and [[Cosmo] are dancing to the song.] '' * '''Timmy: '''Chip Skylark? That lame pretty boy dork singer? He stinks! * '''Cosmo: '''Does not! I wish Chip Skylark was around when I had a band. We'd have rocked out loud! Did you know I used to play the electric triangle? ''poofs his electric triangle into Timmy's room. * Wanda: 'But your band stunk! ''laughs * 'Cosmo: '''But with Chip we wouldn't have! * '''Timmy: '''Ahem! Isn't there something special you want to say to me? ''pushes a birthday cake into the room. ''Considering what day it is? ''pops out of the top of the cake. * 'Cosmo: '''Yeah! Pipe down so I can jam to this awesome Chip song! ''rings his electric triangle, but gets an electric shock. * 'Timmy: '''Thank you, karma. * ''to the kitchen. * 'Timmy: '''I can't wait to see what Mom made me for my special birthday dinner. * puts on a party hat, and places a small sign on the table that reads "Birthday Boy". [[Mrs. Turner] places a bowl of cookies on the table.] * 'Timmy: '''Cookies for dinner!? With our phone number on them? * ''see a close up of one of the cookies. The icing on it reads "555-9597". * 'Mrs. Turner (off-screen): '''Sure. * '''Mrs. Turner: '''Tonight's the night of the Chip Skylark concert. * is wearing a red beanie similar to Chip's, and a pink shirt that says "I ♥ Chip". [[Mr. Turner] enters the scene. He is wearing the same attire as Mrs. Turner.] * 'Mr. Turner: '''Your Mom and I are gonna throw these to Chip while he's on stage! * '''Mrs. Turner: '''And maybe he'll call us and offer to be your big brother! * '''Timmy: '''You guys are going to the concert? Tonight of all nights? What's so special about Chip Skylark!? * '''Mr. Turner: '''Open your eyes, son. That teen's delicious! * ''and Mrs. Turner walk out of the room. * 'Mr. Turner (off-screen): '''Gah! Good gosh, son! We have a ''special surprise for you! * dashes to the living room. * '''Timmy: '''A surprise? What is it!? What!? * ''Turner opens the door. [[Vicky] is standing behind it. She is wearing the same attire as Timmy's parents.]'' * 'Mr. Turner: '''It's Vicky! * '''Vicky: '''Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Turner! (to Timmy) Hello, kid who’s not Chip Skylark. * ''Turner pushes a treasure chest into the scene. * '''Mrs. Turner: '''She’s being paid quadruple to baby-sit so we can go to the Chip Skylark concert tonight! * ''[Mr. Turner opens the chest. Diamonds, coins, and dollar bills are '''bulging out of it.]'' * Mr. Turner: 'And there’s extra money in there so you kids can watch the concert on pay-per-view! * ''is inspecting one of the diamonds in the chest. * 'Mr. Turner: '''Have a fun, Chip-filled night! * ''parents dance their way out of the house. The door closes. Vicky jumps onto the couch, grabs the remote, and turns the television on. A program called Chip-watch starts playing. * 'Chet Ubetcha (on T.V): '''Welcome to Chip-watch Tonight! I’m your host, Chet Ubetcha, and we’re mere hours away from the live broadcast of the big Chip Skylark concert! * '''Vicky (off-screen): '''Move it, twerp! * ''gets moved by the stalk of a cane. Timmy is sitting on the cane. Vicky is holding it. * 'Vicky: '''It's pay-per-view, which means if I don't view, then someone's gonna pay! * ''throws away the cane, with Timmy on it. It lands in between a bookshelf and a lamp. Timmy is dangling from it. Cosmo and Wanda poof into the scene. * 'Wanda: '''Are you okay, not Chip? * '''Timmy: '''Everybody forgot about my birthday because Chip stinkin' Skylark! * '''Cosmo: '''Hey! It’s not his fault he turned out so delicious! Mmm! * '''Timmy: '''Yeah, well, you know what I wish? I wish something bad would happen to him. * ''[Da Rules poofs into the room. Wanda begins to read it.] * 'Wanda: '''Okay, but you just can't wish him maimed. * '''Timmy: '''Okay then, I wish... * '''Cosmo: '''Or injured. * '''Timmy: '''Then... * '''Wanda: '''Or beaten. * ''is about to speak. * 'Wanda: '''Or dead. * '''Timmy: '''FINE! I wish that the worst possible, non-lethal thing would happen to Chip Skylark right now! * ''and Wanda wave their wands. A cloud of smoke appears. The words "NON-LEATHAL!" are seen inside of it. A car crash is heard from outside. The doorbell rings. * '''Vicky: '''Who in the right mind would think of interrupting me when I'm about to watch teen singing sensation... * ''[Vicky opens the door. '''Chip Skylark is behind it. Angelic music plays in the background in this scene.]'' * Vicky: '...Chip Skylark!? AAHHH! * ''is biting her fingers. Hearts are surrounding her. * 'Chip: '''Hi! I was just in a non-lethal accident in my record company's car. All of a sudden, I hit this tree that seemed to pop out of nowhere. Totally weird. The album comes out July 24th, can I use your phone? * '''Vicky: '''Sure, use my special phone! * '''Chip: '''Awesome! * ''presses a button on the phone. Knock out gas comes out of the receiver. He begins to fall unconscious. * 'Chip (woozily): '''Tuesday is... applesauce day. * ''falls asleep. * 'Vicky: '''Even unconscious he's delicious. Mmm mmm mmm. * '''Timmy: '''Ha! The worst possible thing that could happen to Chip is to be stuck here with Vicky, like me! * ''walks by, pulling a chained-up Chip alongside her. Transition to Timmy's bedroom. Chip (still chained up) is on Timmy's bed. Vicky is choosing a range of dresses. * '''Vicky: '''Do you like this one that makes me look like Mrs. Chip Skylark? Or this one that makes me look like Mrs. Chip Skylark? * '''Chip: '''I really don't think it matters. I think you'll make a great Mrs. Skylark... Mrs. Skylark. * '''Vicky: ''with glee I LOVE YOU CHIP SKYLARK! I’m gonna call all my friends and invite ‘em to the wedding! First I'm gonna find some friends! * '''Chip: 'sighs ''Another day, another whackadoo holding me against my will. * ''shadow looms over Chip. '' * '''Timmy: '''Hi, Chip. I'm Timmy. Having a cruddy day like me? * '''Chip: '''Aw, the only cruddy day I ever have is, a day when I disappoint my fans. Wait-wait-wait, I didn't disappoint you, did I? * '''Timmy: '''Because of you, your fame, and your stupid concert everybody forgot today was '''my' birthday! * Chip: 'Aw, I'm sorry to hear that, little guy. Reach into my coat pocket. I've got something that might make it up to you. * ''reaches into Chip's coat pocket, and pulls out a brand new [[Crash Nebula] action figurine.] * 'Timmy: '''Oh my gosh! It's the brand new Crash Nebula action figure! ''pushes a button on the figure. * 'Crash Nebula Figure: '''Set phasers... to fun! * '''Chip: '''Happy birthday, Timmy. * '''TImmy: '''This hasn't even been released yet! How'd ya get it!? * '''Chip: '''I got it as a gift from the record company. Today's my birthday, too. * '''Timmy: '''Really!? * '''Chip: '''Yeah. * ''looks at the figure, and presses a button on it. * 'Crash Nebula Figure: '''What a jerk! * '''Chip: '''Yeah, but they scheduled my concert on my birthday, so I haven't even had a chance to celebrate it. ''sighs ''Sometimes it's hard to be famous... and talented. * '''Timmy: '''And delicious! * '''Chip: '''What? * '''Timmy: '''Uh... my Dad said that. * ''and Chip both laugh. Chip begins to cough. * 'Chip: '''Sorry, I'd have laughed harder, but these chains are crushing my lungs. * '''Timmy: '''Sorry, Chip. * '''Chip: '''Oh, that's alright, little pal. ''coughs ''It's not like you wished for this to happen. * ''and Wanda poof into their fishbowl. Timmy walks over to them. * 'Timmy: '''Wow, I thought Chip would be a big jerk because he's a big star. But he's not such a bad guy after all! I wish Chip was free and out of Vicky's clutches. * ''and Wanda wave their wands, but they make a "fart" noise. * 'Timmy: '''Oh great, the "wand not working" ''imitates the fart noise ''noise. What's wrong? * '''Wanda: '''Well, you know how the rules say we can't use our magic to destroy true love? * '''Timmy: '''So? * ''opens the door.. * 'Vicky: '''Hello my love who I truly love with all the love in my heart! ''drops roses around Chip's face. ''Love! * '''Timmy: '''Oh... * ''walks over to Chip, pushing Timmy's T.V. * 'Vicky: '''You can watch this while I find someone who will perform a marriage ceremony between a crazed fan and a celebrity teen hostage. To the internet! * '''Chet Ubetcha (on T.V): '''It's a scene of mass chaos here at the Dimmsdale Dimmadome, where everyone is angrily asking the same question: Where is Chip Skylark!? * '''Mrs. Turner (on T.V): '''If Chip doesn't show up, I'm gonna punish our child for no reason. * '''Mr. Turner (on T.V): '''Timmy, if you're watching this, run! * ''turns off the T.V. * 'Chip: '''Oh no, fans! Hundreds of 'em! Disappointed! My fault! Guilt growing! Teeth are becoming... less shiny! ''teeth turn yellow and cracked. Hair... losing sheen. hair loses its sheen. * 'Wanda: '''AGGGHHHH! ''covers up her eyes. * 'Timmy: '''Oh man! I've gotta get Chip to the concert before all those women... and my Dad... tear the town apart! (to Wanda) You and I have to get Chip out of here! Cosmo, you gotta get to the concert and stall by any means necessary! * '''Cosmo: '''Cool! ''poofs his electric triangle into the fishbowl. ''I'm gonna get my old band back together! * ''poofs out of the fishbowl. He leaves behind a cloud of smoke, that says "ROCK OUT!" inside. Transition to the Dimmadome. Chip fans are still raging inside. * 'Crowd (off-screen): '''We want Chip! * '''Mr. Turner (off-screen): '''Or else! * '''Crowd: '''We want Chip!! * '''Mr. Turner: '''Or else! * '''Crowd: '''We want Chip!!! * '''Mr. Turner: '''Or else!! * ''poofs onto the stage. * 'Cosmo: '''Hello, Dimmsdale! (deep voice) Are you ready for Chip Skylark? * ''crowd cheers. * 'Cosmo: '''Well, he's not here yet. * ''gets hit with a tomato. * 'Cosmo: '(deep voice) Instead, please put your hands together (normal voice) for your opening act! waves his wand ''On the Pan flute... Pan! * ''is poofed onto the stage, and gets hit with a tomato. * 'Cosmo: '''And on drums... Santa! * ''is poofed onto the stage. He is hit with a tomato. * 'Santa: '''You better watch out. * '''Cosmo: '''And on the organ... Beethoven! * ''[Beethoven is poofed onto the stage. Like with the rest, he is hit with a tomato. * 'Beethoven: '''Vhat? Vhat!? * '''Cosmo: '''And I'm Cosmo, and together, we're... The Fairies! * ''Fairies are pelted with tomatoes. Cosmo, Santa, and Pan pop out of a pile of tomatoes. Transition back to the Turner's House. * '''Chip (off-screen): ''with relief'' * hear a toilet flushing. Chip (who is still chained up) hops out of the bathroom * Timmy: 'Feel better? * '''Chip: '''Yeah, I didn't have to go to the bathroom, but the sound of flushing calms me down. * '''Timmy: '''I'm sorry you have to spend with Vicky. * '''Chip: '''Oh, that's okay, little pal. You have to spend ''everyday ''with her. I'm just here till she snaps or the swat team arrives. * '''Timmy: '''That's Vicky for ya. Icky with a "V". * '''Chip: '''Hey! Icky Vicky. I could write a song about that. (singing) Icky Vicky, Icky Vicky, Icky... Vicky! * '''Timmy: '''I was totally wrong about you, Chip. Just because you're rich and famous doesn't mean you're a jerk! * '''Chip: '''Actually, I'm not all that rich. The record company pays for everything, I'm broke! But if the fans knew that, they might not love me anymore. * '''Timmy: '''But neither would Vicky. * '''Chip: '''Well, there's that. * '''Timmy (to himself): '''She wouldn't love you anymore... * ''to Timmy's bedroom. Chip is hopping to Timmy's bed. * 'Vicky (off-screen): '''Hi, Chip darling! * '''Vicky: '''Look who I found on the internet! The only Justice of the Peace on Earth who will marry someone against their will! * ''and Timmy peek from behind the door. * 'Wanda: '''When Vicky finds out that Chip's not rich, she won't love him anymore! * ''is preparing for the wedding. * 'Timmy (off-screen): '''Yeah, but how do we let Vicky know? * ''waves her wand and poofs a way. * '''Internet Nerd: 'We are gathered here today to forcibly bond these two teens against their will. Is there anyone here, besides the groom, who has a reason these two should not be wed? * ''kicks opens the door. Standing next to her is the Record Company Executive. * 'Wanda: '''He does! * '''Chip: '''Oh my gosh! It's the guy from the record company! * '''Record Executive: '''Thanks for the tip, pink-haired mystery woman! I represent Chip's record company. Since you are going to be Chip Skylark's wife, you get Chip Skylark's debts. * ''Record Executive opens up a suitcase, full of bills. He passes Vicky some of the bills. * 'Record Executive: '''This is for the car, this is his cell bill, this is for the pager. And this is for-- uh?... everything else. * ''dumps the rest of the bills on Vicky. She reads one of the bills. * 'Vicky: '''Six million bucks!? But, Chip, I thought you were rich!? * '''Timmy: '''Nope. He's just pretty, and talented. * '''Vicky: '''NOOOO!!! You broke, loser creep! I don't love you! This wedding is off! Nerd! * ''slams the door shut. Wanda waves her wand, which unlocks the releases Chip from the chains. '' * '''Chip (singing): '''I'm free! Yes siree! I'm free-e-e-e-e! * ''checks the clock. '' * '''Chip: '''Oh no! I'll never get to the concert in time! * '''Timmy: '''Here you go, Chip. Use this. ''hands Chip Vicky's "special phone" from before. ''Let 'em know you're on your way! * '''Chip: '''Thanks, little dude! ''presses a button on the phone. He is blasted with knock-out gas again. ''(woozily) The album... comes out on... July 24th... ''falls asleep, and begins sucking his thumb. * 'Timmy: '''I wish we were at the concert! * ''waves her wand. A cloud of smoke appears, and the text "ROCK AND ROLL!" is inside of it. Transition to the Dimmadome, which is in a terrible state because of the riot. We see The Fairies inside of the Dimmadome, trying to reflect tomatoes that are being hurled at them. * 'Beethoven: '(German speech) Stay back! ' * '''Cosmo: '''Hey, they like us! They really like us! * ''entrance appears in front of the microphone. Timmy comes out of it. * Timmy: 'Ladies!... and Timmy Turner's Dad! * '''Mr. Turner: '''Hey, that's me! * '''Timmy: '''Are you ready to rock!? * ''crowd cheers. * 'Timmy: '''Then get ready for... CHIP SKYLARK! * ''curtain opens, and we see Chip behind another microphone. He is still sleeping. He then wakes up. * 'Chip: '''Huh, what? Dude, how'd we get here so fast? * '''Timmy: '''Uh, the power of music? * '''Chip: '''Rock on! Hit it! * ''"[[Icky Vicky]"] * 'Children Vocals: ♪ '''V-I-C-K-Y. The sound of her name makes the little kids cry! AHHHHHH! '♪ * Chip: ♪ '''Hey Vicky, you're so-so-icky, just the thought of being around you makes me oh-so-sicky. Hey Vicky, won't you please explain, ''♪'' * '''Chip and Children Vocals: ♪ '''Why you get so much enjoyment out of causing kids pain? ''♪'' * '''Children Vocals: ♪ '''Oh, oh, oh! '♪ '' * '''Chip: ♪ '''A chick who's just plain mean. A sour-sweet-16. '♪''' * back to the living room. Vicky jumps on the T.V, breaking it. '' * '''Chip (off-screen): ♪ '''She's a fire breathing dragon in a pair of black jeans! '♪''' * straight back to the DImmadome. * Children Vocals: ♪ '''EWWWW! ''♪'' * '''Timmy: '''Don't worry about forgetting that my birthday was today, Mom and Dad. It's okay. * '''Mr. Turner: ''gasps What? Forgot your birthday!? * '''Mrs. Turner: '''We'd never forget your birthday, Tommy. * '''Mr. Turner: '''Your birthday isn't till tomorrow! * '''Timmy: '''What!? * '''Mr. and Mrs. Turner: '''Happy almost birthday, Timmy! ''continue dancing to the song * Children Vocals: ♪ '''EWWWW! ''♪'' * '''Chip: ♪ '''Hey Vicky, won't you tell us true, ''♪'' * '''Chip and Children Vocals: ♪ '''How'd we ever get the bad luck to be stuck with you? ''♪'' * '''Chip: ♪ '''Oh Vicky, can we say one thing, ''♪'' * '''Chip and Children Vocals: ♪ '''It's your super-total-yuckiness that makes us wanna sing! Icky Vicky! * '''Children Vocals: ♪ '''Eww! Eww! ''♪'' * '''Chip and Children Vocals: ♪ '''Icky Vicky! ''♪'' * '''Children Vocals: ♪ '''Eww! Eww! ''♪'' * '''Chip and Children Vocals: ♪ Icky Vicky! ♪'' * crowd cheers wildly. Transition back to the living room. '' * '''Vicky: '''I hate music. * ''screen fades to black, and the end title card appears. * '''Vocals: ♪ '''Icky Vicky! ''♪ Category:Episode transcripts